There are some sins that are simply unforgivable, and wasting Cate Blanchett is one of them. Yet, that is precisely what BORDERLANDS, based on the video game, has done. This sub-par fantasy/sci-fi adventure features lackluster effects, static action sequences, and a rambling plot that manages to be both moribund and irksome at the same time. The lethargy is overwhelming.
Blanchett is Lilith, a bounty hunter suffering an ennui that does nothing to decrease her penchant for shooting to kill. Her next job is more or less thrust upon her by Atlas (Edgar Ramirez), a wealthy industrialist who is stop at nothing to rescue his daughter, Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt), from kidnappers. With Atlas’ offer, the which she could not refuse, Lilith returns to her home planet of Pandora, a typically post-apocalyptic place with warring gangs displaying varying degrees of psychosis. There’s also a legend about a vault filled with ancient alien technology that draws seekers from hither and yon only to be bitterly disappointed. At the very least.
The film borrows from Joseph Campell’s trope of the hero with a thousand faces, as well as from every space opera of the last 50 years. It is an uneasy mix, undercut by derivative dialogue and Claptrap, a sprightly uni-wheeled robot (voiced by Jack Black) offering unfunny commentary on the action while desperately attempting to fight his programming to keep Lilith safe. It all falls painfully flat despite Blanchett’s best efforts, bringing a world-weary swagger and sweeping orange hair that combines nihilism and defiance to her smoothly lethal moves. I suspect that Blanchett reading the script while seated on a stool on an empty stage lit by one bulb would have been more compelling, but here we are.
The kid is an annoying creature in bunny ears and too much mascara with an obsession for explosives. Her kidnapper, Roland, is played by a sadly subdued Kevin Hart, while the Psycho (that’s the gang’s name) that teams up with him is but a pale reflection of Jason from the Halloween franchise. Which brings us to Jamie Lee Curtis, doing an unsure impression of an elf (I think), as Tannis, an eccentric who has devoted her life to tracking down The Vault and who brings even more exposition to how to go about finding it. This in addition to the video playing on an endless loop in a tour bus after Lilith’s arrival on Pandora. That one of the clues looks suspiciously like one half of a fast-food franchise’s logo only contributes to the ci-mentioned irksomeness. As does a map that features both an impossible way to the next part of the quest, and a tidily safe one. Guess which one they pick.
Sigh.
Along the way to an overwrought climax, Gina Gershon shows up doing her Mae West impression as the owner of a bar/brothel, and Janina Gavankar is defiantly unemotional as the Red Lancer (putatively the law on Pandora) in hot pursuit of the motely band. There are also enormous flying dragons who provide some scatological elements.
The whole thing is a colossal misfire, and if it doesn’t rack up a slew of Razzie nominations, it will only be because something worse came along between now and the awards season next year. If that’s the case, heaven help us all.
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