Adam Sandlers EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS may actually give Ed Woods PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE a run for its money as the worst movie ever made. But maybe thats just the shell shock kicking in. This animated film was such an assault on my senses that at one point my life actually flashed before my eyes. And yet I was denied the sweet release of death and was forced to watch the entire 87 minutes. An 87 minutes that redefines excruciating in ways that I had never dreamed possible and I have quite an imagination.
It all begins with the worlds longest belch and then proceeds to have Sandlers character get up close and personal with his car in the Biblical sense. From there its just a hop, skip, and a jump to the port-o-potty jokes and, for the finale, a mini-snot fest. And those are the flicks high points. The rest is a vile and mean spirited brew of jokes that wouldn’t have made the BIG DADDY or LITTLE NICKY cut, hoping to cash in on its nominally Channukah-esque theme before word gets out about how very un-holiday-esque it is. Let me put it this way, its got all the warmth and charm of the Bataan Death March. Not that Sandler has to worry about making his money back. By setting so much of the story in a mall, he has no doubt reaped a bodacious paycheck with more product placement than you would find in an actual mall, thus rendering the issue of actual box office receipts moot. And for good measure, and possibly even more product placement cash, he features the product logos in one of the many, many, many songs that seem to have been written by a committee of tone-deaf two-year-olds in need of a nap and possibly a diaper change.
It is not generally known that the Jewish community does excommunicate. It is a drastic measure rarely taken. I think Spinoza was the last person to be on the receiving end of that procedure, though his crime was one of intellect. Im not saying that the same thing should happen to Adam Sandler for having perpetrated this insult to the Miracle of Lights, I’m just saying that if having perpetrated this film doesnt rate excommunication, nothing does.
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