MARMADUKE is the completely uncalled for screen adaptation of the durable syndicated comic by Brad Anderson and Phil Leeming. The comic is a daily one-panel deal that shows the difficulties of large dog ownership encountered by a family with a Great Dane, the eponymous Marmaduke. Screenwriters Tim Rasmussen and Vincent Di Meglio sought to expand this concept into a feature length film suitable for kiddies. Obviously, aside from the trademark cry of exasperation, Marmaduke!, they had a lot of filler to invent. Rather than letting their imaginations roam free and unfettered, like a canine in a dog park, they chose to go with stale, unoriginal material otherwise known as safe.
The gimmick is that Marmaduke and his fellow animals talk, and Marmaduke does directly to the audience as he muses on his lot in life, as well as to his fellow critters. The other gimmick is that the humans don’t hear any of them. After the introductions, and a series of seriously unfunny slapstick involving doggie baths, doggie farts, and doggies too big to fit through the doggie door comes the plot. The family moves from Kansas to Orange County when Dad (Lee Pace) gets a better job. The family mopes, and Marmaduke discovers that the local dog park is like high school with its cliques. Drama of the treacle and pedestrian variety unfolds, leading up to a preposterous climax involving water mains and the Los Angeles River.
The dogs themselves are astonishingly trained for their performances and also astonishing is the CGI enhancement of same, especially the mouths that really do seem to be talking without any of their essential dog-ness. There is nothing, alas, astonishing about the writing, which from the results may well have been the last thing on the producers to-do list when putting their project together. The humans, with no CGI to assist them, are left with the script at hand. Though said humans pour a lot of heart into it, their efforts with direction that never quite rises to the level of clueless amateur, fall flat with a dispiriting thud. Even the reliable William H. Macy as Dad’s eccentric new boss can’t make his part fly, even with his trademark quirkiness. Oddly enough, the voice talent is excellent, even with no workable dialogue at their disposal. Owen Wilson has the lovability quotient, as well as the laid-back sweetness going for him Marmaduke. Emma Stone is perfectly irascible as Mazie, the mutt with attitude and a crush on the big guy. Kiefer Sutherland is viciously menacing as Marmadukes nemesis with a pedigree fetish. As for the kiddies at whom it is squarely aimed, the cat-flinging sequence can’t be sending the right message. Neither can the sequence that involves putting a reluctant dog onto a surfboard and then paddling it out to meet a rogue wave.
MARMADUKE is one long cringe fest that starts out abysmally and gets worse with horrifying determination. When it’s not assaulting competent filmmaking, and exalting the emptying of doggie bladders, it’s putting the audience to sleep. And sometimes, it’s doing both.
Your Thoughts?