Kevin James, star and co-writer of PAUL BLART: MALL COP should know how to play to his comedic strengths when penning a role for himself. He and writing partner, Nick Bakay, an alum of James’ sitcom, “The King of Queens”, however, aren’t so great at fabricating a long-form script around which to build on James’ brand of humor. The idea is cute, if not original, the eponymous mall cop who is one of life’s lovable losers suddenly has a chance to show his mettle when both the mall and the cutie who has caught his eye are endangered by an gang of acrobatic thieves on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Alas, mostly this film spins its wheels not unlike the way that Paul spins the wheels of his mall-issued Segway™.
For the eponymous Paul, mall security isn’t the first choice of job. That would be employment as a New Jersey State Trooper, but a zaftig build, unfortunate sweat patterns, and a penchant for blacking out due to hypoglycemia have kept him from that dream. Instead, he has spent 10 years patrolling a large suburban New Jersey Mall on his Segway™ with far more dedication than the job call for. He devises elaborate flow charts designed to improve foot-traffic patterns that his supervisor doesn’t care about, and suffers a thousand and one indignities from the mall patrons over whose traffic flow he frets. He also frets over his single status. As a father living with his daughter in his mother’s house, he should. And he frets over the impression, or lack thereof, he is making on a new mall employee, Amy (Jayma Mays), a comely kiosk gal.
While James has certainly mastered the Segway™, gracefully maneuvering it through complicated choreography, it’s just not a sight gag that is ever as funny as he and Bakay seem to think it is. Off the Segway™, James has a keen understanding of how to use his ungainly bulk to comedic advantage and when presented with the right opportunity, runs with it. He doesn’t just do a pratfall, he does a pratfall, a pratbounce, and then another pratfall. It doesn’t happen often enough. Instead there are painfully overplayed interludes where Paul is once again demoralized in ways that are less funny than demoralizing, not just for Paul, but also for the audience forced to watch the proceedings. The very best moment comes at the very beginning, as Paul is drowning his sorrows in a slice of pie. The urgency of his immediate need for the pastry as soon as it is mentioned by his mother, followed by his attempt to fill the holes in his heart by slathering peanut butter on it, is a poignant précis on a life of quiet desperation played for laughs.
It’s all downhill from there with cheap sight gags and labored writing. What was up with the sequence where a boozy Paul manipulates a fellow mall employee’s ear as though it were so much silly putty was never made clear. Peculiar, yes. Funny, no. Disturbing, more than a little.
The trope of a shopping mall as a battlefield where good and evil meet on a contemporary field of honor is a tantalizing metaphor, and one that intrudes not at all in PAUL BLART: MALL COP. Instead it’s tired, predictable, and less entertaining than any of the cheesy themed restaurants that infest Paul’s world.
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