Like the Energizer Bunny, some franchises refuse to lay down and die when they should. They just keep going and going and going and going until they become unspeakably tedious, which, as you know, is three steps worse than appalling. At least with appalling, there’s emotional engagement, with TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES, there’s… Read More »
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL
The idea behind PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN is enough to make even the most hopeful of reviewers cringe mightily and reach for an aspirin and an antacid. It’s not based on a book, a play, or even a scenario that can be summed up in one sentence in a pitch meeting. It’s based on a… Read More »
LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN, THE
The most frustrating thing about THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN is that the first 20 minutes are so darned good, crackling with intrigue, adventure, and Sean Connery being Sean Connery. Alas, somehow James Robinson’s script takes a promising premise, the one created in the graphic novel of the same name by Alan Moore and Kevin ONeill, and… Read More »
SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER
We live in an age when pretty much any film aimed at kids will have tie-ins that include toys, t-shirts, and, possibly, a computer game of some sort. Few films exploit the merchandising angle as cynically as SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER. This film is little more than an instruction manual for how to play… Read More »
UPTOWN GIRLS
UPTOWN GIRLS is remarkable for its monumental ineptitude. Students of film may well study it one day, mouths agape in wonder, as an example of what not to do when creating a narrative. It wants to be a heartwarming comedy, but it is neither. Instead, it is an irksome and depressing tale that takes just… Read More »
SEABISCUIT
If you are very lucky, who wont know anything about Seabiscuits story so that this remarkable true tale can unfold for you in all its improbable glory. Gary Ross adaptation of Laura Hillenbrands bestseller, also titled Seabiscuit, is a heartwarming, uplifting experience and while such adjectives are not usually paired with films that are also… Read More »
SECRET LIVES OF DENTISTS, THE
Time in the Alan Rudolph universe doesn’t flow the same was as it does in the one that you and I inhabit. It lopes along, telescoping events and worrying little about the standard rules of pacing. This can be a good thing when it comes to examing the complexities of human interaction, as in AFTERGLOW,… Read More »
LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE
When the production notes for a non-period film spend more than a paragraph on the costume design, you can be reasonably sure that the creative focus of the project was not optimally aimed at a stellar piece of filmmaking. Hence we learn that the fabric Angelina Jolie’s silver diving ensemble comes from Japan, because that… Read More »
GIGLI
If GIGLI were any worse than it is, it would require special HAZMET handling. It transcends merely bad, merely tedious, merely irksome and plummets into that very special category of film, the one that so tries and tortures its audience that, emerging again from the soul-sucking black hole of celluloid disaster, it no longer fears… Read More »
S.W.A.T.
Did or does S.W.A.T. the television series have the sort of cult following that made a film version inevitable? Are there conventions of kids who dress up in ersatz S.W.A.T. uniforms and stage mock rescues? Are there Hondo worshipers? A frightening thought, but not as off-putting as sitting through this film. The passel of writers… Read More »
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