Rarely does a film make me want to plead to the heavens above (and even the denizens below) to make it stop. Just stop. Just stop the projection, turn up the lights, and let us all slink back to resume our regular lives as best we can after the Razzie-worthy trash we have endured. And… Read More »
THE BEACH BUM
There are precisely two redeeming features in Harmony Korine’s latest work, THE BEACH BUM. One, and I don’t care if this is a spoiler or not, the cat is just fine as the end credits roll. Two, Martin Lawrence as the dolphin-loving Captain Whack. He’s so good, in fact, that one hopes for a spin-off… Read More »
THE NUN
The decline and fall of franchises is a phenomenon that is all too common, and yet still heartbreaking in its own way. For every James Bond or Star Wars, there are countless other series that started strong, usually with a film that was a one-off, the success of which led to studio bean-counters to push… Read More »
I FEEL PRETTY
Amy Schumer. What the hell happened? Blazing into theaters with TRAINWRECK, a film that gleefully subverted rom-coms with extreme prejudice, she is now flailing through I FEEL PRETTY, her second disaster in a row. That both of them (the other was SNATCHED) were the very genre she set on fire is an irony that, perhaps,… Read More »
THE DARK TOWER
Intermittently garrulous, yet generally somnambulant, THE DARK TOWER disappoints on almost every level. Based on the Stephen King series of the same name, the cinematic version blows a kiss to the novels, then goes its own way plot-wise for reasons that defy explanation, unless it’s a scheme similar to the one in Mel Brooks’ classic… Read More »
INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE
INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE was released here in San Francisco without a press screening. And for good reason. I’m putting The Golden Raspberry Awards Foundation on notice that we might have a new frontrunner for next year’s Razzies. We begin on the eponymous holiday. Twenty years have passed since Steve Hiller (Will Smith, appearing in this… Read More »
GROWN UPS
The pain of watching a shlocky film is trivial compared to the torture of sitting through a shlocky film that has convinced itself that it has a message beyond being awful. The latter is the experience of GROWN UPS, a dismal interlude that in the first 10 minutes establishes that men are idiots, women are… Read More »
VIEW FROM THE TOP
There is a cautionary tale from old Hollywood about ticking off the head of your studio. John Gilbert, a huge star of the silent screen, once punched out the lights of Louis B Mayer. Now, in all honesty, Jack was under a little emotional strain having just been stood up at the altar by Greta… Read More »
WHITE NOISE
As I sit and tap out these words on my computer, it is January 4, 2005 and I have just seen WHITE NOISE, a prime contender for NEXT years Razzie Award. It is inept, it is inane, and it is seemingly interminable. And why shouldn’t it be? The people behind this dreck thought it would… Read More »